Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Special thanks to reader "A.C" from the North Hills for forwarding the "intellectual material" for this story...

So why is it that some athletes can't hold down a regular "normal-type" job outside of their sport? There will be no doubt in your mind after reading this.

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:

"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all dem kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say:

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"

Replied Matt Millen of the Raiders:

"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh (name not disclosed to protect the innocent).

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

 Now that's admirable!

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
And then,

"You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going  to prison:

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to "prison" for three years...not Princeton.

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of his heavyweight, Andrew Golota:

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to
Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared  nervous at practice:

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

(I wonder if his IQ ever hits room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player of his (and my personal favorite by the way):

"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'

He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four "F"s and one "D":

"Son, it looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the immortal words of N.C. State great Charles Shackelford:

"I can go to my left or I can go to my right. I am amphibious."

15. Amarillo High School and Houston Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:

 "Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye." 


ABOVE: Happy couple Debbie and O.A. "Bum" Phillips.