Thursday, October 14, 2010


ABOVE: A glum Pittsburgh Penguins Chairman of the Board, Mario Lemieux admits, "I screwed up." 

In a stunning announcement, Pittsburgh Penguins Chairman Mario Lemieux revealed today at a morning press conference that the Consol Energy Center has indeed been jinxed. The Penguins have started out 0-3 in their new Taj Mahal facility this season, losing again last night, this time by a 4-3 score to the Toronto Maple Leafs of all people.

"Yes, it's a jinx, we know that," said Lemieux. "The building has been cursed by those who want the Civic Arena to be saved."

Admitting that he added "fuel to the fire" by pouring water from the Arena onto the ice surface at the Consol Energy Center, Lemieux is at a loss for what to do next.

"Yes, that was a big mistake, I realize that now," said the somber chairman of the board. "But who knew that it would result in the building being cursed? Believe me, I'm going to have a hard time getting the players to leave their new locker room facility to go back over to the Arena. If we lose our next two here, it may have to happen...we may have to abandon the Consol Energy Center."

This shocking turn of events was completely unforeseen when the Penguins very cavalierly decided to pursue tearing down the obviously jealous and angry building instead of transitioning it into another type of functioning facility.

"We really don't know if announcing that we are going to abandon the idea of tearing down the Arena would break the curse," said Lemieux. "But if we can't win at home anymore, we'll have to take a serious look at moving back into the Arena. Then we'd have to figure out what to do with the Consol Energy Center."

When asked about moving back to the Arena, Pens Captain, Sidney Crosby offered a unique player's perspective. "We'll play at the Arena, but we'll die before we give up our new locker room. The team can bus us up the hill if need be...I'll even pay for the bus if they won't."

As the pressure to win mounts, the players now know that they only have two more chances to win before Lemieux pulls the plug on Consol.

"Wow, that would be really bad," sighed Crosby.

Penguins President, David Morehouse, was conspicuously absent from the press conference. Morehouse has been the leading proponent of tearing down the venerable, old, Civic Arena and is obviously now a lightning rod for more "bad karma" for the team.

Consol Arena "rink rats" are whispering that Morehouse could indeed be on the way out if it would remove the curse on the Energy Center.

ABOVE: Darth Vader posed for this motivational poster while pouring water into a 2 liter bottle. This made no sense then...neither did Mario Lemieux pouring the Arena's water onto the Consol Energy Center's ice last week. Besides bringing a curse down on himself and the team, explain what good that did?