Tuesday, September 7, 2010

NOSTRADAMUS PAYS ANNUAL VISIT, PB&G BANK BOOK SUFFERS

ABOVE: We bring in only the best of the best prognosticators, Nostradamus himself to give you the low-down on the Steelers' 2010-2011 season.

Much has already been made about the Steelers' schedule and the fact that Big Ben won't be available for the first four games. But what it comes to doing the heavy lifting of predicting how well an entire season is going to go, that's where we call in the experts. Fortunately for us, "PB&G" long ago secured the exclusive services of the one and only Michel de Nostradamus, he of end-of-the-world fame.


ABOVE: One of the many "History Channel" shows that pays Nostradamus big money.

True, the "History Channel" has been wearing him out with a barrage of 2012 prediction shows, but nevertheless, we were able to pull him away from the biblical meltdown stuff long enough to get him to predict some really important facts: Like what will the Steelers do this year?

A word of warning: The following information should be digested very slowly. For example,  it's very easy to have the seer's words misconstrued into an unintended meaning and thus have a misinterpretration, such as the type when he predicted that "Hister" would cause World War II.

So here now for your enjoyment and inside betting information, is our exclusive interview with Michel de Nostradamus.

PB&G: I guess you kind of get sick of doing all of those gloom and doom shows for the "History Channel"?

NOSTRADAMUS: I knew you were going to ask me that (laughing)!

PB&G: Seriously, how many times can you keep predicting the end of the world?

NOSTRADAMUS: Hey, it pays the bills...and a lot more, I might add, than what I'm getting from this blog!

PB&G: That may be true, but at least you're getting to talk about your favorite subject, the Pittsburgh Steelers!

NOSTRADAMUS: Oh they're going to have a great year this year. I predict them winning the SuperBowl as a matter of fact! 

PB&G: Wow, you and Peter King are the only two calling for that!

NOSTRADAMUS: They're going to beat the Phoenix Cardinals in a thrilling game. Ben is going to hit Santonio with an unbelievable pass at the end.

PB&G: But...

NOSTRADAMUS: Your Pittsburgh Steelers will win their sixth SuperBowl, but I see big trouble ahead. Your quarterback is going to get in big trouble.

PB&G: But Nostradamus, you're messed up on your dates!

NOSTRADAMUS: Stop interrupting! I'm getting another vision!!...It's the "History Channel", they're going to contact me about doing another show!! I have to go, immediately. This is big cash after all.

PB&G: But what about the 2010 season predictions? That other stuff you gave me was old...from 2008 and early this summer!

NOSTRADAMUS: I'll email them to you.

FROM: Michel de Nostradamus
TO: Pittsburgh's Black and Gold
September 8, 2007
Subject: Pittsburgh Steeler predictions

THE FORWARDED EMAIL of 2010 STEELER 
PREDICTIONS BY MICHEL de NOSTRADAMUS

"I am predicting a great year for your Pittsburgh Steelers. The players have been so traumatized by the man they call "The Large One" that they will be focused on nothing but football in 2010. Most importantly, they will manage to elude the injury bug for most of the season with none of the season-ending injuries such as they had last year. This team's combination of veteran leadership and exciting young players should make for a most exciting year. The team will start the year off at 2-2 before Ben Roethlisberger returns. After that, watch out. Like a man possessed (which he probably is) Big Ben will cut through the competition going 9-3 during his 12 games. This will give the team an 11-5 mark, but alas, it will not be good enough to win the AFC North. That prize will instead go to the Baltimore Ravens who will win both contests against the Steelers this season in two very hard-fought losses. Baltimore will finish 12-4, ahead of the Steelers at 11-5, the Bengals at 10-6 and Browns at 7-9. 

The Steelers will make the playoffs as a wild card team and fortunately, they will continue to peak as the season wears on. It is for this reason that I am predicting that the Steelers will make it to the SuperBowl to face the Green Bay Packers and their cheesehead lunatics.

My crystal ball is fading, fading. Pittsburgh's Black and Gold: If you want to know more, please send me another check (only bigger) to the usual address. Bye for now."

                  Predictably,
                         ----Michel