Thursday, November 5, 2009

PENS INJURY BUG IN FULL BLOOM AS TEAM HEADS TO DREADED WEST COAST

Just when the Penguins are heading towards the west coast, where wins have come about as often as the 14 year locusts, the Penguins' injury list just keeps getting longer and longer. Here's a brief synopsis of said injuries and the possible cures that the players are turning towards during their "down" time (you'll see how inappropriate that term is in a minute).

Sidney Crosby


ABOVE: Sidney Crosby is listed as "Day to-Day" which in his case simply means that he will elect to play. As evidenced by this incredible shot, there is nothing wrong with his internal organs, thank goodness for that!

Jordan Staal



ABOVE: Staal, thankfully, is fine. However, he displays some alarming tendencies once he's had a few drinks in him. Even his date is amazed!

Evgeni Malkin


ABOVE: Evgeni Malkin is suffering from a shoulder injury. However, he was anxious to set his proclivities straight for the female population after the Staal photo first hit the internet.

Sergei Gonchar


ABOVE: Sergei Gonchar has a broken wrist (protected in pocket). He also does not relish having his picture taken. "Sarge" has graduated to the "classy chicks" and away from the omni-present "puck bunnies".

Tyler Kennedy


ABOVE: Tyler Kennedy has an "undisclosed injury" which in hockey parlance can often be interpreted as being an injury in the vital area anecdotally referred to as the "kolbassi" or even the more genteel "weiner". Let's hope for this young couple that it's really a leg or foot problem. Even a head injury wouldn't be that bad, but not the other, potentially devastating problem.

Max Talbot
                  

LEFT: Max Talbot, famous for shusshing the Philadelphia Flyers crowd in the playoffs last year, takes his shirt off to display his now-surgically-repaired left shoulder. I've now had three of these, and all I can say is, just wait until he has to put that shirt back on...

Marc-Andre Fleury


ABOVE: Thankfully, there's nothing wrong with M.A.F. However, if he does this enough times, there will be! It will probably be an "undisclosed injury."




ABOVE: Penguin fans everywhere will be anxious to see Max Talbot and friends return to the ice soon, but to their credit, the team is 12-3 and leading the league in points through 15 games of the season