Saturday, April 25, 2009

NO FLYER FANS HURT IN WACKO CENTER ROOF CAVE-IN IN PHILADELPHIA, BUT 20,000 CASES OF "SEVERE MONKEY BUTT" ENSUE


Above: Part of the decimated roof at Wacko Center in Philadelphia. With his team leading 3-0 midway through the game, Philadelphia's Daniel Carcillo took exception to a check from the Penguins' Max Talbot. The fight that followed triggered the resultant seismic destruction and ignited a limp Penguin team into scoring five consecutive goals for an improbable 5-3 victory in the "City of Dysfunctional Love". While no fans were physically injured by the cave-in, the 20,000 potty-mouthed Flyer fans left with a severe collective case of "galded monkey butts".

I honestly believe that I enjoyed this year's conquest over the Flyers even more than last year's. That the Flyers would allow the Penguins to come back from a 3-0 deficit on their own ice in front of 20,000 nauseating excuses for human beings....well it just doesn't get much better than that. Oh wait, it does! Was that Sidney Crosby inserting that final daggar into the Flyers? He of the "Crosby Sucks" cheer? Yes, oh yes Philadelphia, that indeed was him. The revenge for all those chants must have been so sweet for "Sid the Kid" too!

Just yesterday I noted in my last post how meaningless the home ice had become in this series. In fact, the last three games were all won on the opponents' sheet. I also stated that the goaltenders had become the biggest determining factor in who would take this series.

While M.A.F. was busy butchering the game into a 3-0 Flyers lead, he, like the rest of the Penguins team and coaches never panicked. On the other hand, after the Talbot fight, once the Pens broke through with the Fedotenko goal where he shoved the puck through under Biron's pads, the roof began to cave in on the Flyers' season. In fact, after goals by Malkin and defenseman Sergei Gonchar (I missed that goal watching the hated Cleveland Browns select my number one Steeler pick Alex Mack) the Pens were actually pressing for the lead as the second period ended. Fleury then became rock-solid making several amazing saves.

The game winning goal, was another knife to the gut by Sidney Crosby where he knocked a puck out of the air into the net, after it had deflected off Biron's wrist portion of his glove. It was exactly the kind of goal that can motivate 20,000 fans to chant your name...and wish subconsciously and fervently that you were playing for their team! Crosby's empty-netter was simply the final "knife twist" for the expiring Flyers. The only thing Sid didn't do was jump up and down on their dead corpse.

Evgeni Malkin was also a tremendous force, dominating throughout the second and third periods and was even named number one star of the game. Jordan Staal again was also a huge force, most notably on the defense where I can't remember seeing an offensive player be so dominant. So this 5-3 victory gave the Penguins a 4-2 series win and a chance for a couple days off before the wars begin anew.


Above: Max Talbot now has plenty of time to wear this horny hat before his next game.

In today's national game, the Capitals and Rangers renew their heated series with the Rangers fiery coach, John Tortorella suspended for the game for squirting water on fans and then throwing the water bottle at them. For Sidney Crosby and "The Butcher", Marc-Andre Fleurythey'll spend the next couple days resharpening their "implements" for their next opponent.


Above: A prime example of "monkey butt". While occuring naturally in monkeys there were 20,000 human cases of this condition reported in "The City of Dysfunctional Love" yesterday. Authorities say it was the largest reported outbreak since the "Great Phoenix Outbreak" that occured when the Steelers beat the Cardinals in SuperBowl XLIII. The greatest Pittsburgh outbreak of "monkey butt" occurred in 1992 when the Pittsburgh Pirates lost to the Atlanta Braves.