"STEELER NAME PERFECT FOR THIS" -- Dan Rooney
Copyright 2009 "Pittsburgh's Black and Gold"
“Today all of the rules are about protecting the player. We’ll be able to scrap all of those rules and really let these robots kill each other! Imagine it!!! Plus, the cost of repairing the robots will be a heckuva lot less than having a guy sittiing on the bench all year long doing nothing. Robots will be able to play every game all year! We won‘t have to worry about concussions, shoulder separations or spinal cord injuries either.”
Above: Steelers prototype along with the smaller, more damageable Patriots robots. This matchup could be a "smash face kind of game as Ryan Clark likes to say (only he won't be playing).
Above: More than likely this Ravens linebacker will be giving the Steelers loads of problems.
Below: More traditional-looking offensive linemen robots are already in full scale production at CMU. The NFL's marketing gurus figure that they'll be a mega hit with the kids.
"We’ve tried to figure out what we could do with that, and I just don't know yet." said Goodell, "But it just might have to be that we’ll save the hundreds of millions of dollars that the draft costs our league every year and just bank it. Believe me, when our fans see, hear,.... smell,..... even feel the velocity of these impacts, they’ll forget all about that we once had fragile humans playing this game and that they were drafted and had to wear helmets. So what? I mean who really cares about that anymore?"
"We'll also be coming out with a new line of what we're calling "NFLbot rally towels". The fans are really going to love them for just $19.95."
Of course the obvious joke here was that the teams would also save on no longer having to pay out SuperBowl bonuses or the winning team having to purchase SuperBowl rings...another big savings for the always cost-conscious owners.
"We'll create an industry in Pittsburgh building robots for the NFL," said Rooney, "And hand pick the best ones and make them Steelers! The President is a big Steeler fan and he loves the idea as part of his jobs stimulus package."