Wednesday, November 18, 2009


There are usually sporadic incidents of violence each year involving deer, but there is no question that the deer herd of Southwestern Pennsylvania has collectively declared war...and the people here have had enough!!!

ABOVE: A hungry deer sizes up a family cat. In the background, the fawn is being taught the subtle art of killing prey.

Deer are running into convenience stores, banks, crashing through windows, terrorizing workers in insurance offices and in general causing chaos everywhere. Things have gotten so bad that Governor Rendell was going to call out the National Guard to "thin out the herd" so to speak. But after checking with the treasury, the Governor decided that we'd all have to "Live with it" until hunting season. What used to euphemistically be called "Hunting Season" should more resemble out and out warfare this year.

Things have gotten so bad, that even in my own neighborhood my neighbor, Ken, (who I also suspect is a member of the Fantastic Four as I've told you several times) had two separate incidents happen to him! In the first, he had to fend off a maniacal deer with his bare hands in a nearby woods. It had decided to try to trample his dog, "Ubu", to death. Ubu loves to hunt down, fight, and occasionally even kill ground hogs, a fact that no doubt had been duly noted by the deer. When Ubu got too close to one of their own, they decided that they had had enough. This was just another in a series of deer behavioral problems. Fortunately for Ubu, Ken was nearby to save him (as members of the Fantastic Four are wont to do). One shot to the head was enough to stave off the attack but the deer weren't through.

A week or so later, Ken was standing in his own driveway  when a psychotic pack of deer, seeking retribution no doubt, nearly ran him over! One even proceeded to jump through an evergreen tree and into a neighbor's above ground swimming pool (I'm sure that did wonders for their pool liner)! Have these deer totally lost their minds or have the "does" simply failed to "take care of business" for the bucks?

ABOVE: Who can argue, the deer have gone effing crazy! In this photo, the doe on the right is getting "tagged" by the buck in the middle. An insanely jealous buck (left) decides to take out his frustrations and turns homosexual!!!

Just a couple days ago I was traveling down a typical Pennsylvania country road when I noticed two deer munching grass about 20 feet away. Since I've already had the wonderful experience of meeting a deer head on, I brought my car to a crawl and just looked at them. They did not run, but I swear, they had a mean look on their faces. They just stood there looking at me, chewing all the while, just daring me to "try something" with them. The impunity of these deer was just amazing. Was it another example of "deer gone mad" or were they still mad over Ken punching their buddy in the head?

ABOVE: If you see this!!! It's reputed to be the leader of this latest deer uprising.

Personally, I feel that deer are in the process of evolving. Since man is their only natural enemy, they have decided, collectively, to take us us who's boss. They have now apparently sworn a pact to be our mortal enemy forever.

ABOVE: A deer stands with impunity near a deer crossing sign. He's just waiting for an unsuspecting car so that he can "kamikaze" it.

BELOW: Another car successfully "taken out" by a deer.

While I'm not a hunter, I'm really hoping that those guys have a field day this year. I've never even had deer jerky, but I'm willing to try it. I'll relish every single bite. But the hunters had better watch out too, because the way things are going now, I can just imagine hearing stories soon of organized tramplings of hunting camps and some poor unsuspecting drunken hunters becoming casualties of the war.

ABOVE: The deer are fighting mad and have already escalated the war. We could soon see truckloads of hunters being hauled out of the woods, just like these deer who will soon be smoked into deer jerkey. 

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