Sunday, February 15, 2009

STEELER KICKER VICTIM OF PAPER TOWELGATE, SHEETZ SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!! REPRISALS EXPECTED.

2009 "Blackened Gold" Award Winning Story




STEELERS DISGRACED BY CONVENIENCE CHAIN

......EXPECT ROONEYS TO RETALIATE

copyright 2009 "Pittsburgh's Black and Gold"




Steelers kicker Jeff Reed found out about that target that every NFL player has on his back when he was arrested following a disgraceful situation that occured at a Sheetz store at 3 a.m. on Friday night in New Alexandria.

Above: Their MTOs may be good, but when it comes to restrooms, forget it. Ask Jeff Reed!

Reed, returning home from Carnegie Library in Oakland where he had been working on a research paper on male pheremones, made an innocent "pit stop" at a Sheetz store along the way. He entered this restroom and then the trouble began...After simply trying to get a paper towel to dry his just-sanitized hands, the kicker, in an obvious state of exhaustion from his research work lost his composure...and it was all Sheetz' fault!




Above: Darn right he was mad! Who isn't mad when there's no paper towels in the dispenser? It's enough to bring out the animal in anybody!



Above: Apparently it was this sign that sent Reed over the edge. How dare they post a sign like this and not have paper towels. A Pittsburgh-based chain would never have let this happen (Sheetz is headquartered in Altoona... figures).

Yes, Jeff Reed was upset. Yes he said some bad words. Yes this was inappropriate behavior. Yes, yes, yes. But what the Sheetz employees did, calling the cops after he smashed their empty paper towel dispenser was totally uncalled for.

Jeff Reed is a nice, happy-go-lucky, fun loving guy. Ask any woman anywhere and they will tell you: Jeff Reed is the man! Besides all that, he also kicks footballs straight through the uprights at Heinz Field...no easy trick we all know. On top of all of this, he just won a SuperBowl for our region. One day he's in a parade, the next day you're going to cite him for Sheetz' shortcomings as a convenience chain? Where's the convenience when you have to dry your hands on your pants? Remember, chicks don't dig a guy with wet pants.

Above: Some fatso tries to horn in on "Skippy's" action, further proof that the man gets no respect from anyone around here. Instead of bothering Jeff, this porker should be at Goodyear seeing if they have any jobs for blimp drivers.

Ironically enough, this whole incident could have been prevented if only Sheetz had been doing the environmentally responsible thing and got rid of its' paper towel dispensers. What a disgraceful waste of our country's natural resources!

Maybe instead of buying more of those $10,000 cappucino machines, Sheetz should spend a few bucks on some of these and prevent a lot of trouble for the Steelers and their true fans!!!

While the Steelers offices were closed over the weekend, a security guard, on the condition of anonymity, commented on the situation: "There's going to be hell to pay, that's for sure. I'm sure that there'll be a couple knees taken out over this," he said while hitting a night stick in his hand.

Hey, Sheetz started this war. The Steelers have every right to finish it!

Above: Shame on you Sheetz. You put cappucino ahead of the Steelers then try to shift the blame! Below: Restroom graffitti left over from George H.W. Bush's first presidential campaign. Further proof that they don't check their restrooms often enough.

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