POOR, PATHETIC LITTLE RICH BOYS

Above: Who can ever figure out millionaires? Monty Brewster was upset when his investments made money. The Rooney brothers are apparently unhappy that their enterprise, "The Pittsburgh Steelers" just won the SuperBowl. Go figure?

Life...It's All About Choices

It's not that often that you'll hear negative comments around this town about the Rooneys, but a photo that appeared in yesterday's "Pittsburgh Post Gazette" with photo credit to one Kay Rooney no less, is managing to accomplish just that.

In the strange photo which we've published below, the four "other" Rooney brothers who were forced into selling their shares of ownership in the team because of involvement in "taboo" NFL businesses (re: gambling) stand on the field, after the thrilling Steelers SuperBowl victory, whooping it up.

Could you ever imagine seeing more dour expressions on four people's faces after just watching your family's team winning the biggest prize in North American sports and maybe the most exciting SuperBowl ever? This is the best you could do?

What was even more puzzling was the spin that the "Post Gazette" tried to put on this shameful display, calling the Rooney brothers "bittersweet" over the Steelers winning and them getting the equivalent of an NFL heave-ho. Why should the "Post Gazette" feel the need to apologize for the Rooney's having a glum look on their faces? Are they their p.r. arm? Some would answer that as a big fat "yes".

Hey guys, no one in the NFL said that you had to sell, remember that. What they did say was that you couldn't own a team and be involved in gambling. You had to make a choice. You didn't want to get out of your own slot machines and dog races (plus you also couldn't imagine being subservient to your brother, Dan), so you couldn't remain as NFL owners. It's as simple as that. Oh, and I'm sure that the tens of millions of dollars that each of you are going to be paid for essentially being the result of one of your Dad's more amorous moments are really going to be tough to take too.

In retrospect, I guess all of us would feel glum if the golden trough that we'd been drinking at for our entire lives was suddenly being taken away, but don't feel too sorry for these pathetic Rooney millionaires. Other than Art, they did next to nothing to ever earn the millions upon millions of dollars that they've already glommed from Art Rooney's DNA over the years. They should be ashamed for taking such a horrible picture though. Not one of them made so much as a feeble attempt at even a fake smile. In fact, the only picture they could've taken that would have been more truthful would have been if the four of them had been giving Dan the "finger". I'd say that it was pretty evident that they weren't happy that their brother and his son had just won another SuperBowl, pure and simple or they had a horrible collective case of gas..

Remember: You can pick your friends, but not your family Dan. Be glad that you're rid of them. This fact holds even more true in mega-wealthy clans such as the Rooneys.

FOUR MEN NOT VERY THRILLED AT WINNING

P-G Photo by Kay Rooney. Here's a good question: So why own up to it?

Above:Contain yourselves! Money can't always buy happiness, but no longer getting it by the bushelbaskets every year can cause millionaires like these to become very unhappy. Did you ever see a more pathetic-looking bunch of mega-wealthy men in your life? Their expressions were almost as incongruous as Richard Pryor's in "Brewster's Millions" when he would get angry because he had made millions of dollars on an "iceburg thing". Remember: each of the men pictured above is going to be getting tens of millions of dollars in settlement for their share of the Steelers, so don't feel too sorry for their plight in life. Maybe they should buy a rare stamp and mail it or run against Mayor "Steeler-stahl" as "None of the Above". It worked for Brewster, it could work for the Rooneys!