Friday, October 10, 2008

Satan To Meet "The Devil" Again In Pens "Biblical Proportions" Home Opener

Pens Coach Michael Therrien mistakenly uses the single person when referring to the New Jersey Devils as "The Devil", but for a certain "Black and Gold" blogger, his English shortcoming has unwittingly created a headline writers bonanza.

When the puck drops at Mellon arena on Saturday night, it won't be the first time this historic event (Satan going up against "the Devil") has ever occurred as evidenced by a picture that our archivists here have unearthed. In fact, our crack team of researchers has discovered some other very rare and amazing photos as you will soon see, so read on.



Biblical-Sized Meeting To Be Repeated Again In Pittsburgh


But for Miroslav Satan (pronounced Shuh tan) it couldn't happen soon enough.

Miroslav Satan was born on October 22, 1974 in Jacovce, Czechoslovakia. He and wife Ingrid, pictured below have a son, Miroslav Jr., who was born in March, 2006.



In this case is the devil wearing red or Prada?
Notice Satan's devilish-looking goatee.

Satan was drafted 111th overall in the 1993 NHL Draft by the Edmonton Oilers. But prior to his entry into the NHL, he played in the Czechoslovak and Slovak leagues and had scored 9 goals in 8 games while representing Slovakia at the 1994 Winter Olympic Games.

Legendary Buffalo Jersey


 
Shootout goal against Rangers

After two seasons with the Oilers, the highly skilled winger was traded to the Buffalo Sabres for Craig Millar and Barrie Moore. He firmly established himself as a top-line forward and one of the key players of the Buffalo team.. During the 2004–2005 NHL labor dispute, Šatan played for HC Slovan Bratislava in the Slovak League. He signed as an unrestricted free agent with the New York Islanders on August 3, 2005.




A younger Satan (right) minus goatee with bare-chested "Dominator" Dominik Hasik. (left). Notice piercing eyes of both players.
Coincidence?

 
His 35 goals during the 2005–06 season were his highest goal-output since the 2001–02 while with the Buffalo Sabres. Almost half of his  goals came on the power play (17), also a career personal best. This is something that the Penguins will obviously try to exploit. He led the Islanders in goals in the 2005–06 season. Satan tied for the team lead in points with 66 (another coincidence?), shared with captain Alexei Yashin. Also in 2005–06, Satan went 7-for-10 (70%) and was third in the NHL in shooting percentage in the shootout. We can certainly also expect to see Satan serving in that capacity at times here.

On December 2, 2006, he scored his 300th career goal against (who else) the Pittsburgh Penguins! Earlier in that same season he had already recorded his 300th career assist and his 600th career point.


On March 24, 2007, Satan missed the Islanders' game in Philadelphia for "personal reasons" (who knows what that could have been) thus ending a streak of having played in 305 consecutive games. It was the fourth longest active streak at the time, and marked the second time in his career that he had played in over 250 consecutive games. He had a 256 game streak as a member of the Buffalo Sabres that ended in November 2002. His durability at times can appear to be "superhuman". Hopefully he won't be injured in his first home game as was the now-departed Marian Hossa!

On July 3, 2008, Šatan signed a one year contract with the Pittsburgh Penguins worth $3.5 million, thus saving the City of Pittsburgh from having to endure countless numbers of mass suicides after the team lost Hossa, Ryan Malone and several others at the end of last season.



Satan's world was turned upside down playing for the down-and-out Islanders.




But today Miroslav Satan stands ready to join the league's highest-powered offense (except when they're playing Detroit) and should prove to be a more than capable linemate for either the greatest player in the world, Sidney Crosby, or the second greatest player in the world Evgeni Malkin. Either way, Satan, once again, comes out the big winner.



(left) Feeble attempt by L.A. Kings to stop Satan. (above) Historic rare photo of Satan falling (Satan's first fall was never photographed).







(Above left) Only photographic evidence of Satan's signature. (Above right) Only known photo of Satan's agent. He wears only black suits and shirts, white ties and a black hat with a white sash. Rumored to have possible links to the underworld. Hard negotiator.


Satan has said that he literally jumped at the chance to play for the Pens and to pair up with such famous linemates as Crosby and Malkin. As for playing for a city such as Pittsburgh, he knows full well that the winter weather can oftentimes prove to be a considerable factor, but he smiles and says, "Never for me."




The Hell sign may freeze over, but never Hell itself.

On Saturday night,you would expect to see Martin Brodeur and Company throwing all of their defensive prowess against the Penguins and their new scorer from the "dark side". But the big buzz here is that there is an as yet unidentified amazing new goaltender who may be standing between the pipes ironically enough playing for the hated "Devil" and trying to stop Satan and the forces of good (?) ! While his identity is still as yet unknown, he is reportedly from the Galilee area and bears a striking resemblance to none other than the Penguins Marc-Andre Fleury (see if you agree) although he does appear to be a bit older.

In any event, the matchup tonight looks to be Biblical in nature. Hopefully, the Pens will prevail against "The Devil" while, ironically employing one Miroslav Satan.


Go figure!!!





Rookie from middle eastern league has 0.00 Goals Against Average, is expected to get start over Brodeur!

"CLEARING MY DESK"


Your editor has had a very busy week despite the lack of activity in the Pittsburgh sports world. As all bloggers know, there is, unfortunately, life outside of blogdom.

But I had to take a minute to get a few things off my chest and once again work at “Clearing My Desk." So today‘s subject is:. The real reason why Americans are so angry over the current financial crisis.

Let’s face it, does anyone really have a true idea of just how large of a pile a billion of anything is? I set out to help you fathom the magnitude of the current bailout program which, at last gasp, was around $800 billion dollars. But in fact, if I wanted to be even more ludicrous, I could try to give you an idea of how big a number the $2 trillion dollars is that Americans have lost in their investments over the last three weeks. No, that would be too crazy, so I’ll stick with just trying to explain how big of a number $1,000,000,000 is.



The Steelers will have about 620,610 fans come to Heinz Field this year. If we were to split up the billion bucks in cash among them, that would come to $1,610 per fan!

If we were to split a billion dollars among the population of the entire world, each person would get 15 cents.



If you took a car trip to the moon, you would travel some 477,714 miles round trip. If your car got 20 miles highway, you’d need 23,885 gallons of gas. With regular gas today averaging $3.34 per gallon, you’d be looking at a hefty price tag of $79,778. No problem though, because you’d still have $999,920,221 left from your initial billion dollars!

If you wanted to split the billion bucks among every person in the U.S., they’d each get $3.32!

Let’s say that you wanted to buy the house of your dreams and it cost $300,000. You’d be able to buy 3,333 of them!


If the car of your dreams cost $200,000, no problem, you could buy 5,000 of them!

Last year the entire NFL had 17,500,000 fans attend games. That comes to $57.14 per person.

If you watched the first Presidential debate, then you were among 63 million viewers who would each take home $15.87.

Since my head is starting to hurt and, for the first time ever, I tried to get an answer on my calculator that was too big for it to figure out, I’ll just ask you, dear reader, to try to figure out this answer for me: It’s a186 million mile round trip from earth to Pluto How many trips can you get out of 2 trillion miles?.


As I said earlier, these numbers are truly mind-boggling. Little wonder why so many people are as angry and frustrated by the economic downturn as they are!