Tuesday, September 16, 2008

"Hidden Vigorish", Nothing To Mess With!

One of the things I am going to attempt to do with this blog is to rotate, wherever possible, between Pittsburgh sports teams. Of course the time of the year will have a lot to do with this as will whether or not it's Superbowl week, or it's the Stanley Cup finals, or the World....oh forget that one.

Anyway, I got into a discussion with my good friend Ken (nicknamed as a kid "Steelhead", more on that in a later column) about the Browns losing to the Steelers. I said that it may be good now, but when the two teams meet again at the end of the year fighting for the title, the Browns will have "Hidden Vigorish" on their side.

Now Ken is a man who's slightly older than me who currently is in the lead for having had the most surgical procedures between the two of us. So as you can just imagine, I was shocked when he said, "What's that?"

For anyone who is greying around the temples and had the absolute pleasure to listen to a Pirates game being called by the late Bob Prince, his lexicon of phrases and nicknames was right up there with hockey's irrepressible Mike Lange. "Hidden Vigorish" was just one of those immortal phrases.

For you youngsters out there who never listened to "The Gunner", here's how "Hidden Vigorish" works. Let's say that a batter has gone 0-20 batting against a certain pitcher. Most people would automatically think that you should pinch hit him the next time he faces that pitcher. But in the world of "Hidden Vigorish", his chances grow greater each and every time he faces that pitcher. In other words, his "Hidden Vigorish" factor improves with every putout.

The same thing, unfortunately, is going on right now between the Browns and Steelers. As any "Black and Gold" bleeding Steeler fan knows, the Steelers OWN the Browns, and that's a good thing. However Steeler fans, I must warn you: The Browns "Hidden Vigorish" factor is now through the roof! If you ever prayed for anything, you must pray that the Steelers' meeting on December 24th with the Browns is a meaningless game, because if it means the Division Title, the Steelers are doomed. You see, "Hidden Vigorish" only comes into play when the stakes are high.

For example, if the same batter is 0-20 during the regular season, you simply say, "Why did those %3#gsxtf#*&^ Pirates trade away their only hitters?"

"Hidden Vigorish" is a very complex theory that must never be taken lightly. All the more reason that the Steelers, for their sake, had better have the division sewed up before the Browns come back to town. Oh, and if the Steelers have already won the division, they will go on to add to their now- mountainous pile of "Hidden Vigorish" once again.